Source: New Vision
I am constrained to tackle the matter of women's mindsets again, because the more I consider women's problems, the more I get convinced that the situation can get much better and brighter, if only women changed their mindsets.

Consider, for instance, the matter of abuse. Physical, emotional and even sexual abuse. Women think abuse is a gender thing. But what is it about gender that makes men the aggressors, and women the sufferers?

Abuse is not a gender thing. Abuse is a power thing. The one with the power... indeed the one who perceives himself or herself to have the power in a relationship is the one who, should they be the nasty type, would end up abusing the other party or parties in that relationship.

Whether the power is derived from economic muscle, physical strength, social status, spiritual authority or anything else, it is what lends the power holder the feeling that they are invincible and indomitable, and can do as they wish with the people around them.

Believe you me, a child who feels empowered by the notion of children's rights, feeling that anyone who touches her will be sorted out, is capable of assaulting a parent.

A woman who knows that culture, religion, family traditions and all the other forces that make women believe that they are vulnerable are wrong, will never suffer violence, knowing that she does not have to be abused just for being female, she is already along the path to being powerful herself. It is all in knowledge, and knowledge, we all know, is power.

Do you remember the fable of the cock (the bird) and the kite? The cock used to spread the (false) information that the red crown on its head was fire, and if you touched it, you would be burnt to death.

All birds and animals lived in mortal fear of the cock. But as fate would have it, one day kite wanted to cook but had no fire - the rain had put it out. So she sent one of her babies with grass, to go and ask cock to allow her light it from his crown.

When baby kite got there, she found cock asleep. You know how hunger can make a weakling brave. Shoving all its dread into its heart, the kite-let put the dry grass to the cock's crown - nothing. She dared and touched it - still nothing.

She ran all the way back home with greater excitement than if she had got the fire, but the fire she now had was burning in her heart - the bonfire of redemption; the blaze of discovery. Cock was not what they had always feared that he was.

The media once ran a story of a woman who hired a rugged man - indeed a bum - from the taxi park, to carry luggage to her car. She drove home with the man, telling him that he would help carry the load from the car to her house.

When they got there, she ended up raping him. If you think this is impossible, wait for next week, when we handle this issue. Was that man physically weaker than her? No. She just had more power, not strength.

The reason a malnourished-looking traffic cop can bully and intimidate a healthy-looking corrupt public official, who has broken traffic rules is because with power, you can achieve anything. Power enables a tiny mother to order her muscle-building son around and tell him 'no going out today'.

The reason some women beat their husbands and deny them all manner of things is because she either supports the family financially, she is stronger than him or she practically married him.

The day women will realise that they need not suffer abuse just because they are female, all affirmative action will be rendered useless.

Not that they should then abuse the men, but that abuse should be left to fools, not men, for indeed we know many men who do not abuse their women.

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